Can we talk about 2020’s most disturbing and divisive fitness trend of 2020, the Peloton bike?
If you’ve not heard of Peloton, consider yourself blessed. This stationary bike clocks in at $1,500 for the basic model, and who wants the basic model? As IF. So you’re looking at $2,000 + $49.99/month for the accompanying programs that allow you to peddle virtual mountains and fields and, best of all, ride with your friends!
If you’re still not horrified, consider that where pre-pandemic, cache was gained by name dropping the executive with whom you had lunch, in a work-from-home world, you drop the name of the person you went riding with on the Peloton, for example, “Bob sure kicked my ass on today’s Peloton ride* but I’ll get him later this week when we ride again.” These comments make me glad for a mute button to stifle the sound of my yawning. *it is an imperative that the word Peloton always be inserted
I know what you’re thinking: this is nothing more than sour grapes. How often have I lamented my late middle age weight gain, my penchant for salty snacks, and my financial state which would charitably be called ‘distressed’ and more accurately ‘wreckage’? Isn’t it small of me to snipe at others rather than taking a hard look at myself? Glass houses, throwing stones, etc.
Yes, of course it’s petty, but this, as it turns out, is my strongest writing voice, and we’re obligated to use the gifts the good Lord has given us.
My petulance over the Peloton is less about money or jealousy, and everything to do with loneliness. If a Peloton bike was delivered to my doorstep with a fully paid program membership, it is still likely the bike would become, like stationary bikes throughout time, a glorified clothing rack. This is not about a reluctance to exercise, I’ve been known to get my fit on, I have two marathons under my belt, thank you very much.
What it’s about is the community aspect of the Pelotonians, they are apparently social creatures, and this is the barrier I could not overcome. I would have no one with whom to go on glorious and challenging pretend rides. The language of community is, to me, foreign, and while I’ve tried immersion learning, reading, and study, I just can’t get the hang of it. In any social interaction I look like a flamingo in a room full of swans. One of these things is not like the other.
Who writes a blog post like this less than a week before Christmas?! Lighten up, stop your whining, get a grip for god’s sake! Count your damn blessings! I am, I do, I will, and my blessings are myriad, but that’s the thing about loneliness, its refusal to be logical, to make sense to anyone other than the person feeling it.
If you’re reading this while still flush from a recent Peloton workout, good work you! Keep it up, pedal yourself silly. If you’re not a Pelatonian, in the real or figurative sense, come sit by me and we’ll be awkward flamingos together.
With love and butter cookies. – Leah
The Bonus Room 